It’s been 2 weeks since my friend took her life and 2 months since my father in law passed. 1 year ago today another friend was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident with her husband.
Death. It’s so damn final.
I don’t know how to deal with death. I mean, the sadness doesn’t ever go away. The pain never really leaves you. I always wish I would have done things differently. Hell, I still think of when my Grandfather passed over 10 years ago. I missed a family event days before. I wish I would have been there, but I wasn’t.
You’re always left with questions you may never get an answer to. Things you wish you would have done differently.
You feel guilty for moving forward, but your life just doesn’t stop. So you move on, try to heal, but how do you? I mean, really? You live life. You still cry, you still hurt, you still remember those you lost. The sadness is there, you just manage it better. It doesn’t really go away.
The hurt never really will go away.
We all grieve differently. Some of us cry in private. Some of us busy ourselves to not think of the loved one gone. Some of us are angry – we have that right.
Death hurts all those left behind.
What I’ve learned through my life is that you can’t forget someone’s faults when they pass. Just because that person is gone, it does not change the bad they may have done in their life. Yet, when they are gone, we all focus on the good. You never want to remember someone for being an alcoholic, drug addict, cheater, lying, manipulative, asshole. No, of course you don’t want to remember all of that. You want to remember all the good a person was. Ignoring the bad, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human.
I remember when my father in law passed, I was so sad. I did not mourn the man he was at that time. I mourned the man he could have been. I mourned the man he was in the past, not who he was in recent years. In recent years, he fueled my fiance’s drug addiction and lied and kept secrets that were life changing to my family. I do not mourn THAT man. Rather, I mourn the man he was when I met him, the fun man that I spent much time with. The man that would kiss my head and tell me that he knew his son would always be okay as long a he had me. That man, I will miss, but not the drug addict, alcoholic, who lied and kept secrets from me for years. I will not miss that man. I mourn the grandfather he could have been. If he would have beat his addictions, he would have been an amazing grandfather to my two sons, the grandsons he wanted to badly to have. I regret not taking a picture with him the last time I saw him. Being stubborn, letting my anger get in the way of taking that one stupid picture. 1 minute of my time would have given my boys a memory, a picture to cherish of their grandfather. I regret that.
See, we all have regrets, we all mourn differently. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Some of us, we go searching. We look for every single thing we can find to hold onto the person we love. Some of us, we shut that door, we move on, and that is all. No looking back. There’s just no right or wrong way.
Death sucks. There’s just no better way to put it out there, none. It’s final. You can’t get that person back.All you can do is make sure people know you love them and you care. Live your life in a way that if you were to die today that everyone knows you love them. It’s all you can do. That’s it.